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Memoirs Of A Bicyclist


God damn I love my bike! Do you wanna know what kind of bike I have? Fuck ya you do! Its a 56 cm Semi-Matte Black Felt F55 20 speed! You ever heard of it? Fuck ya you have, and you wish you could afford one! Only cost me $1100! How? I sweet talked the guy at the bike store. What can I say I'm good at 2 things, biking, and sweet talking. That's why my girlfriends so damn hot!

God damn, would you look at me in these tight little spandex shorts? Have you ever seen anything look as good this? Fuck, God himself hasn't even! That's why my girlfriends so hot, cause I look so damn good in spandex shorts! Fuck, when I look at myself in the mirror before I go biking, I literally have to spank one down just so I can walk without breaking my cock rocket in half.

If there's one thing I love most, it's biking on the open road. Sometimes people even honk at me while I'm biking on the road. Usually I think it's just some hot ass girls thinking I'm sexy as fuck in my spandex shorts. Fuck ladies, I know I'm sexy, but I know I got a hot ass girlfriend waiting for me when I get home. Sometimes when I get home, and I'm all sweaty, I can hardly take my spandex shorts off, so I just leave them on all day! When my girlfriend doesn't stay the night at my house I sometimes bring my bike into bed with me and cuddle with it. My girlfriend sometimes asks why there's oil in the bed, but I just tell her, that her fucking vibrator must have leaked some battery fluid. I don't even get why she needs that thing when she's got a stud like this with her!

Oh shit, I remember this one time when I was biking down the road looking sexy as shit right? And this other biker comes up from behind me like he wants to race right? He was wearing this stupid helmet, and using hand signals to change lanes, god what a dip-shit! Anyways, he starts to pass me but I speed up and stare him down. So then he starts to speed up like he thinks he could beat me right? So I get right next to him and push him over with my huge rippling arm, and he smashes right into an on-coming car. God it was fucking hilarious! After that happened I squealed my brakes and did a 180, went up to him laying unconscious on the ground and spit on his face. Then I went home and banged my girlfriend. Just a lesson to all... No one can beat me in a race! No one!

Fuck, all this talk about biking, makes me want to do some biking! After I'm done looking at myself in the mirror with these spandex shorts on, I'm gonna go ride my 56 cm Semi-Matte Black Felt F55 20 speed! Fuck that's sexy; I just shot a 4 roper in my spandex while thinking about my bike! Not the first time it'll happen... Nor the last...