Town Has Such Bad Drought They Stopped Baptizing
Does this mean that the churches don't get their holy water from some secret underground cathedral in venice? They must just take it from the toilet after a pastor made holy shit.
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Man Assaulted Dad With Bag Of Cheetos
The guy threw a bag of cheetos at his Dad's face and it hit his glasses causing them to cut his face up. I guess they really are 'Dangerously Cheesy'!
20 Million Condoms Recalled In South Africa
As if anybody living in Africa had a chance to not get AIDS anyway... Giving them condoms is false hope, giving them defective condoms is just playing games with their minds.
Bear Grylls Addresses Accusations
He says "all I can say is they don't always tell the full story". I believed him when he told me to squeeze shit over my head and drink the liquids to stay hydrated, so I guess I have to believe him here as well.
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The Duct Tape Bandit
Instead of using a mask like normal robbers, this genius decides to rap duct tape around his face, along with pulling his shirt over his head like something Beavis or "Cornholio" might have done.
Man Set Free After Having Sex With 15 Year Old
His excuse? He suffers from Sexsomnia, where he has sex with people in his sleep. Good thing Charlie Manson didn't tell the jury he suffers from murdersomnia...
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3 Year Old Shoots 6 Year Old
You know you have a shitty hiding spot for your gun when your 3 year old daughter can stumble upon it. Where was he hiding it, under her pillow?
RIP Tourettes Guy
Apparently Danny the Tourettes Guy died last week from some medical complications from a car accident he was in a few months ago.
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Ebaumsworld.com Sells For $15 Million+
One of the original viral video websites ebaumsworld.com has been sold to HandHeld Entertainment for 15 mil, plus loads of stock and yearly payments. Damn...
Crazy Old Man Outruns Cops On Scooter
For some reason this reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where George gets chased by the senile scooter gang.
Typo Error Makes Every Scratch Off A $1,000 Winner
A car dealership sent out 50,000 scratch offs as a form of advertisement with all of them accidentaly winning $1,000. Sorry for the mix-up, here's a $5 gift card to Walmart.
Boy Kills Brother Over Video Game
I think we all know who did this right?
Worlds Tallest Man Meets Worlds Smallest Man
7.9 foot Bao Xishun meets 2.4 foot He Pingping whos about the size of his forearm.
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Wendys Customer Punches Employee Over Manners
I get the urge to punch Wendys employees as well, but not because they have bad manners... It's because my burger always looks like diarrhea.
Aliens Make Drunken Crop Circle
Actually it was just some crack-head evading police...

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